Today is rather quiet and almost mundane. So I will take this opportunity to share an older story of something that happened recently, over a period of three months and what God had to teach me through these experiences.
My Daughter and Grandson were in my Ford Focus when they were hit by another car and the Focus was totaled. Fortunately, no one was injured – in either car. Still, I was stressing. I was so afraid that I wouldn’t get enough for that ’01 Focus to be able to buy a decent car out right and I knew I couldn’t afford to make payments on a car or to carry full coverage (which would be required by law while paying on a car). Well, the first blessing from God is the insurance settlement. I expected around $2,200, because I had gone online and checked the Blue Book value of the car. Instead, the insurance company settled with me for $4,794! Isn’t that amazing!
Amazing as that was, however, I still was concerned that I wouldn’t be able to even replace what I had – that I would have to settle for a lesser car – because I also checked online and all the used cars that I looked at that were in my price range had over 100,000 miles of them… my Focus had had only 56,000. When I searched out cars with 56,000 on them… or at least below 100,000 miles, they were priced at twice the amount for which I had settled! I was really stressing.
So, the guys at church asked me what I needed. Well, they had picked us up in the church van every week since the accident. Therefore, I felt duty-bound to look for something large enough to seat all seven in my family. However, on the other hand, I felt I should only replace what I had and let the kids (namely, my Daughter and Son-in-law) provide their own transportation this time (the van I provided them with a few years ago was totaled). As I attempted to relate this to the guys from church, they cut me off, not to be rude, but in their enthusiasm to help. I had hoped for their advice as they listened to my dilemma. But, they immediately jumped to the conclusion that I needed a mini van. So, then I stressed and fretted over that for several weeks which grew into months. Finally, I did go to God with the issue and I felt He guided me to a decision that I did not need a mini van; that I only needed to replace my car. So, the very next Wednesday, I went to class intending to tell the car salesman of my decision… well, I didn’t see him before class. After class, I headed towards the foyer and I heard him call my name behind me. I turned and heard him say, “I decided that you don’t need a mini van! You need a car!” I scarcely had time to celebrate God’s goodness in his coming to that conclusion when I heard him say, “And I found you the perfect car! It’s a white, 2003 Buick LeSabre!” I cringed, for two reasons. I wouldn’t have known a LeSabre if one had hit me. But, I was familiar with the name “Buick”. I thought, “Oh no! I won’t be able to afford it!” And the other reason, I decided, was too petty to tell anyone about; he had said that the car was white. Without questioning my response or delving into it at all, I pushed the thought about the color out of my mind. There were more pressing issues with which to deal.
Issues like, we had dipped into the car money and even though he said that the car was only $4,000 plus tax, title and license (will tell you why so cheap in a minute) I knew that we wouldn’t have enough to cover it. I was embarrassed to tell him that I no longer had enough! He had gone through so much trouble, and it really did sound like a good deal! It was a one owner car and even though I would go to the dealership at which he worked (in a nearby town) to get the car, I wasn’t actually buying it from the dealership. That’s how they were able to keep the price so low! But, even with the car that low, as I said, we had dipped into the insurance money to pay bills, so I didn’t have enough money.
Now then, he had also told me about a car that he had that he would be willing to sell me if the deal with the Buick didn’t work out. He had a Honda Accord. It had 133,000 miles on it. He said that the Buick would be a much better car for me as it only had 84,000 miles on it, it was a newer car than the Accord and it was just a better car. I, however, was leaning towards the Accord because he had said that he would sell me the Accord for $3,250. I knew I had enough to cover that and would still have some padding left over to keep in the account. I asked him if I had to make a decision that Wednesday or if I could go home and pray about it. He agreed that we should each go home and pray about it and see which car God wanted for me.
Thursday came and left - no call about either car. Friday, he called and asked me what my schedule was that day. I told him that I worked until . He asked me what my schedule was like for Saturday. I told him that I was off on Saturday. He asked if I would like to come and pick up my new car. I asked him which one I was getting. He answered, “The Buick, of course!” I cringed… immediately remembering the color (then quickly pushing that out of my mind and focusing on the more urgent issue) I could not afford the car.
So, I immediately went to my bosses secretary (who comes in one day a week, and not always the same day, but “happened” to be there that particular day!) and asked her if she thought that my boss would be willing to advance me $250 which I would repay at $50 per week until I’d repaid it all. She said that she would ask him. As I was leaving her office, he walked in, so she asked him immediately! Moments later, she appeared at my desk with an extra check (I’d already received my pay check) for $250. And as it “happened” a woman with an office in here was going to the side of town on which I bank, so since I still didn’t have transportation, she took my pay check and the extra $250 and deposited it for me.
I got a ride to get my car early Saturday morning. We stopped in a grocery store parking lot to pray about the transaction. Then she dropped me off and went on. I saw the car… or what I assumed was the car (because as I stated earlier, I wouldn’t have known a LeSabre if one had hit me) for the first time… I had to walk around it until I found “LeSabre” on it so I was fairly certain that I was looking at the right car. I peered in the window. My first thought (which I quickly pushed out of my head) was, “It’s white!” My second thought, which I later joked about was “Oh no! I am officially middle-aged!” I was not accustomed to having so large or so nice a car! It was to be my very first luxury car! I tried not to look disappointed as I stepped back and eyed the car, staring at its white color… shaking it off, ignoring a foreboding feeling and went in to sign the papers and write my check for the car.
Now at this point, I think it important to point out, I was committed to buying this car without having ever seen it; I really didn’t know what I was getting and despite my initial reaction about the car being white!
I got in the car and started back to Brownwood
The next week, the boss’s secretary was in on a Thursday and brought my pay check to me a day early. I was anticipating the check to be $50 short, due to my agreement. When I looked at it, however, it was for the full amount! When I questioned the secretary about it, she informed me that the boss had decided to not have me repay the $250!!! I was astounded! I was beside myself! All I could do was cry tears of gratitude!
The next week, I was stunned to find myself staring at the car through the office window and struggling with the fact that the car was white! I refused to give much thought to the issue, it seemed so petty! Therefore, I also refused to take the issue to God!
I tried to deal with the issue as best as I could, posting photos of the car on facebook and discussing the color of the car as not really being a true white!
Then, one day, sitting at my work computer, I decided to go on webshots.com and search out some photos for my screen saver and compulsively decided to look for photos of Alaska
That night, I pondered the situation but still considered it too petty to take to God. The next day, again at work and going through photos on webshots, this time I compulsively went through photos from Colorado Colorado Springs
I prayed, as was my custom, in my journal while at the office. Typically, my praying is interrupted with answering six different lines or handling walk-ins for eight different businesses. But this particular morning, the phone didn’t ring once, nor was there even one walk-in. Good thing, too, because I could not keep from weeping as I prayed! I asked Him, “Is this about her? Because You know that I have tried to find her. I’ve looked for her house and couldn’t even find her street! Besides, I can’t forgive her to her face. She doesn’t believe that she’s done anything requiring my forgiveness!” My anger was becoming stronger. Even so, I finished the prayer with telling Him that I knew that He loves me and that I cling to Him! Even in my hurt and confusion and being angry with Him, I clung to Him!
The next day, it was as though there was never an issue about the car being white! I glanced at it through the window and there was no sense of foreboding or disappointment… nothing negative! When I told my Daughter about this at home she mentioned that it was interesting how I’d had the car for a couple of weeks before the color became an issue. I told her that it was an issue before I ever saw the car because I had been told that the car was white! I just felt it was too petty to tell anyone about, not even God! The next day, I thought about all of this as I was getting read for work. I realized that throughout my life there have been a number of times I had refused to tell God about something because I feared the issue to be too petty to bother Him. I also feared that since I had an issue with the color that would demonstrate a lack of gratitude on my part for such a grand gift! I had been thinking Ford Focus or Honda Accord and obviously God thought, Buick LeSabre; demonstrating that He truly does bless us far beyond what we could ever dream or imagine! I didn’t want to appear ungrateful, so I attempted to stifle the issue. It was just too petty.
Finally, I realized that all of this served to remind me of what I had been studying recently that had appeared through several sources, and that is, “God so loves us that He pursues us like a lover”! That concept was uncomfortable to me at first. But the more I read about it from more than a couple of sources, the more it gradually began to sink in! I thought how, like a lover, God desires us to bring Everything to Him! Even, or perhaps even especially those things we consider, too petty!
All I could do again is weep tears of joy and gratitude for what He had just taught me! It is a lesson I will not soon forget!!!! A powerful lesson! An amazing lesson!
If you have read my older posts, you have seen that I mention “Captivating” by John and Staci Eldredge on more than one occasion. One thing that I recall marveling at is that God will bring us back to past experiences to demonstrate that He was there, even then. This is what He did in my ‘white car experience’. I share this today because I have recently ‘lived out loud’ my struggle with forgiveness and mercy for someone towards whom I did not want to show forgiveness or mercy. I have recently ‘lived out loud’ my struggle regarding my need to repent for a particular letter written to the same individual. I feel that the letter and my need to repent for writing it, was put upon my heart last Wednesday night in class because God wanted 1) me to repent 2) to realize that I did not handle that situation properly – I failed to turn it over to Him and 3) to cause me to look for Him, His presence in that situation. And perhaps 4) He has me share it all here… for you.
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