This morning I revisited a previous post, "Plugging Leaks & Overflowing". I've been thinking about my current state of mind... self-perception... my current "in-look" if you will. Here, in part, is what I shared in that earlier post:
I also believe that God does continue to pursue our hearts to draw us ever deeper into a loving, healing, grace-filled relationship with Him. I believe that He heals our wounded hearts, plugging up the holes left behind by the battering that it’s taken over the years, thereby rendering it capable of retaining the love He pours into it. I believe that He pours and pours until we are full to overflowing and that it is that overflow that we cannot help but extend to others! His love, His grace, His joy, His peace, His comfort… anything and everything that He gives us, He first fills us… and we overflow and share all of His gifts with others! Therefore, I also believe that we have a responsibility to participate in our own healing so that we may have restored whole hearts capable of being filled without leaking. I also believe that we have a responsibility to respond to His healing touch and seek to move closer to Him and desire, pray for the change to come, that we will have the desire to share His love, His grace, His comfort, His peace… all of His gifts with others!
I know, now, that I first must trust Him to fill my heart, allow Him to fill my heart… and that He will most certainly finish healing my heart so that it will stop leaking, so that it will fill to overflowing…
I have an incomplete thought. It has to do with the leaking of one's heart and God healing and filling that heart. It's something I haven't quite put my finger on, but it pertains to something that happens when one's heart is still leaking. Because, what I noticed is that my heart has been leaking for the past several weeks and it's interesting to me to look at that now and realize that during the time that I stopped taking spiritual nourishment, I resorted back to my previous ways of thinking and processing; most of which were quite negative and very accusatory towards self. I haven't hammered it all out, yet. But for now, I am aware that my heart has again been leaking and I do believe I have a responsibility to participate in my own healing.
While I do enjoy being on the receiving end of so many rich and wonderful blessings from God, I strongly desire to mature and be a giver myself! I need to let go of my disappointment and frustration of not being where I want to be and focus on participating in God leading me there!
I wish I hadn't been so quick to delete my emails after reading them. I read my verse of the day from Heartlight Magazine and its message reminded me of how we are incapable of transforming ourselves - that is the work of the Holy Spirit. It's true. I am reminded that I need to be patient with myself and continue to trust Him. He is the Leader, not me. I am the follower.
Friday, November 19, 2010
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Forgiving Self
This morning, as I was driving to work, I heard a song that had a line which asked, "would you recognized His face if He came to take you home?" I imagined that scenario. I imagined looking up and seeing Him standing there looking at me. I didn't have to ask myself how I would respond. I instantly felt overcome with emotion at seeing Him face to face! The love in His eyes, unmistakable! That look, telling me that it's time to go home, to be with Him - overwhelming!
I so want to please Him. I so want Him to be as happy to see me as I feel I would be to see Him. The thing of it is, what I do know about Him, and as happy as I would be to see Him, I know He will still be even happier to see me! There is no measure of His love, of His compassion, of His passion for us! But, what I mean is, I am so tired of disappointing myself... and thereby, feeling I am disappointing Him. I am so tired of my sense of 'failing'.
I know that the book, "The Shack" is controversial. But I have read that book twice; once to myself, and once aloud to my Daughter and Son-in-law (about a year to a year and a half separated the two times I read that book). Reading it out loud did so much more for me than reading it silently to myself. There is a section in that book that caused me to have to just pause and absorb it's message! The section about the difference between expectation and expectancy. We live in expectation. God lives in expectancy. Expectation carries with it that sense of hope, but has a tinge of doubt or fear of failure. Expectancy has the sense of knowing the outcome and that it's going to be good! The author stated that when we fail, we tend to beat ourselves up and... well, feel much as I have been feeling for the past several weeks... as though I am a disappointment to God because I feel I'm a disappointment to myself. God, on the other hand, knows how many times we're going to stumble and fall before we get past a particular obstacle and lives in expectancy of our success! I believe that is true! I believe that is consistant with what we know of God through the Scriptures! Whatever you may feel or believe about the book, "The Shack", please don't overlook the many wonderful truths of it's message - which, I believe is simply illustrating the abounding love and compassion of God, not trying to make any kind of theological pronouncement.
Reminding myself of that particular section of the book has already made me feel better. This compells me to quickly address something else - despite appearances through my posts, I do not believe that our relationship with God is based on 'feelings' but on truth. Nor do I believe that a sound relationship with Him means one must be devoid of feeling. I do believe that as in my case, forgetting or misperceiving a truth can adversely affect how one feels about his or her relationship with God; or how he or she believes that God sees that one.
I believe that God is much more forgiving than we are - of others and of ourselves. I believe that the deeper we absorb this truth, the more forgiving we will be - of others and of ourselves. So, now when I entertain the scenario of Him coming to take me home - I am still overcome with emotion, but I am also laughing and crying with so much joy and love!
I so want to please Him. I so want Him to be as happy to see me as I feel I would be to see Him. The thing of it is, what I do know about Him, and as happy as I would be to see Him, I know He will still be even happier to see me! There is no measure of His love, of His compassion, of His passion for us! But, what I mean is, I am so tired of disappointing myself... and thereby, feeling I am disappointing Him. I am so tired of my sense of 'failing'.
I know that the book, "The Shack" is controversial. But I have read that book twice; once to myself, and once aloud to my Daughter and Son-in-law (about a year to a year and a half separated the two times I read that book). Reading it out loud did so much more for me than reading it silently to myself. There is a section in that book that caused me to have to just pause and absorb it's message! The section about the difference between expectation and expectancy. We live in expectation. God lives in expectancy. Expectation carries with it that sense of hope, but has a tinge of doubt or fear of failure. Expectancy has the sense of knowing the outcome and that it's going to be good! The author stated that when we fail, we tend to beat ourselves up and... well, feel much as I have been feeling for the past several weeks... as though I am a disappointment to God because I feel I'm a disappointment to myself. God, on the other hand, knows how many times we're going to stumble and fall before we get past a particular obstacle and lives in expectancy of our success! I believe that is true! I believe that is consistant with what we know of God through the Scriptures! Whatever you may feel or believe about the book, "The Shack", please don't overlook the many wonderful truths of it's message - which, I believe is simply illustrating the abounding love and compassion of God, not trying to make any kind of theological pronouncement.
Reminding myself of that particular section of the book has already made me feel better. This compells me to quickly address something else - despite appearances through my posts, I do not believe that our relationship with God is based on 'feelings' but on truth. Nor do I believe that a sound relationship with Him means one must be devoid of feeling. I do believe that as in my case, forgetting or misperceiving a truth can adversely affect how one feels about his or her relationship with God; or how he or she believes that God sees that one.
I believe that God is much more forgiving than we are - of others and of ourselves. I believe that the deeper we absorb this truth, the more forgiving we will be - of others and of ourselves. So, now when I entertain the scenario of Him coming to take me home - I am still overcome with emotion, but I am also laughing and crying with so much joy and love!
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
There's Hope
We proclaim him, admonishing and teaching everyone with all wisdom, so that we may present everyone fully mature in Christ. To this end I strenuously contend with all the energy Christ so powerfully works in me.
-- Colossians 1:28-29 tniv
I know I haven't posted in a while. I still receive my Heartlight subscriptions daily - and this is the verse of the day that I received this morning. I wasn't going to read it, actually. But, then I couldn't bring myself to delete it or even archive it without reading it - and I am so glad that I did give in and read it! This verse gives me hope... renews my hope! Some day, I will be mature in Christ - which means, I must continue to grow.
This doesn't cause me to want to wait until that happens. No, on the contrary, this gives me the hope, the strength and the motivation to keep trying; to hang in there, don't give up!
I tend to get disgusted or at the very least, frustrated with myself and what I perceive to be a lack of progress. It is so fascinating and comforting to look at this verse and to realize; God knew before I did how I've been feeling. He knew I would need this verse! It came in my Heartlight subscription today, as my verse of the day! I embrace it with gratitude!
-- Colossians 1:28-29 tniv
I know I haven't posted in a while. I still receive my Heartlight subscriptions daily - and this is the verse of the day that I received this morning. I wasn't going to read it, actually. But, then I couldn't bring myself to delete it or even archive it without reading it - and I am so glad that I did give in and read it! This verse gives me hope... renews my hope! Some day, I will be mature in Christ - which means, I must continue to grow.
This doesn't cause me to want to wait until that happens. No, on the contrary, this gives me the hope, the strength and the motivation to keep trying; to hang in there, don't give up!
I tend to get disgusted or at the very least, frustrated with myself and what I perceive to be a lack of progress. It is so fascinating and comforting to look at this verse and to realize; God knew before I did how I've been feeling. He knew I would need this verse! It came in my Heartlight subscription today, as my verse of the day! I embrace it with gratitude!
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