Without Hesitation!

My Daughter had forgiveness on her mind this morning.  The issue was re-stimulated from her recent and first experience with Stream in the Desert.  I shared my personal struggle with the issue; just an overview, actually.

It may seem abstract to some, the concept of ‘handing it over to God’ and ‘letting it go’.  I assured her, however, that it really does work.  Because God empties the ill-feelings and the desires for justice or revenge when one has been betrayed, let down, disappointed, abandoned, hurt or offended by another.  Then God replaces the ill-feelings with genuine compassion, mercy, grace… even love.  Forgiveness extended to another is more for the relationship between the offended and God than it is for the offender and God – or even than it is for the offender and the offended.  Certainly, the relationship is damaged without forgiveness but not just the relationship between the two involved – the offended one’s relationship with God is damaged or hindered as well.  Without forgiveness, healing cannot begin.  The hurt feelings will eventually churn into anger, resentment and bitterness.  

The conversation eventually turned to, ‘how does one do that?  How does one hand it over to God?  How does one let it go?’  I am reminded of a movie I saw; a true story about a shooting in an Amish school and how it affected those who lost children in that shooting.  In the movie, one woman in particular had a very difficult time forgiving.  The pain and anger almost cost her husband, it almost cost her faith.  Eventually, she conceded to attending a group session with the other parents who had lost children in the school shooting.  The actress portrayed, very well, the affect it had on the woman as she listened to another mother who had lost two daughters express that she had forgiven the shooter.  The mother of the two girls expressed that some mornings, when she thought about not hearing her girls singing as they did their chores, she was so angry that she had to forgive him all over again; sometimes several times per day. 

That’s how it was for me.  When I realized I was holding on to my pain again, I had to let go again, and again, and again, until eventually, I learned to leave it in God’s hands.  And that’s okay.  As many times as it takes!  Just keep on handing it over to Him!  One day it will suddenly occur to you that you don’t even remember the last time you thought about it.  You truly have let go.  The truly amazing evidence, however, will come when you find yourself in the position to show compassion, mercy or grace to the one who had hurt you – and you offer it without hesitation!

He is Amazing!

I've been thinking about resuming my posts for a while.  I considered several different ways to go about the continuation.  After class one Wednesday night, it was suggested that I share a story of how God pursues us no matter how far away we’ve wandered.  I will do that some time, but not this time.  That did cause me to think about something, though; how it seems that we can take a multitude of steps away from Him yet, it only takes one step to get back.  He’s amazing!
Today, I read about how we all experience dry spells, spiritually.  A detailed description of “dry” was given followed by the advice of what to do when in a dry spell.  I think “dry spell” more accurately describes my most recent experience rather than wandering away.
While in Austin a couple of weeks ago, attending Stream in the Desert hosted by Westover Church of Christ, I found that I am still capable of feeling.  My dry spirit could still feel, could still be moved, could still be lifted and most definitely still yearned to stretch and grow more deeply in love with Him and to be closer to Him. 
I haven’t been posting and sharing because I felt I had nothing to share.  I felt so detached.  I never felt alone; I never lost that sense of His presence in my life.  Evidence of His presence was almost constant.  My prayer life dried up.  My prayers were hollow to me.  Periodically, I reminded myself of how The Spirit groans and interprets the desires of our hearts that our words cannot express.  I retained the trust that He was never far away and certainly not as far away as He felt at any given time during my worst dry spell.  I had also experienced enough dry spells to know, it would not last.  It’s rather exciting to me to report that this is my first dry spell in which I never gave up on myself.  His love for me sustained me and held me up while in times past, I would buy into the lies that would pull me farther away from Him.  This time, I was aware of His presence and that He carried me in His arms when I was unable to walk the path.  This time, instead of perceiving Him as being disappointed in me, I perceived His compassion, His gentleness, His love and grace and mercy.  So as I feel this dry spell coming to an end, I feel that not only do I not have ground to make up, I have continued to progress because He carried me!  He is amazing!