Don't Do Christianity?

I grew up hearing the term, “in the eye of the beholder”.  I was too embarrassed to ask what that meant, so I assumed it meant, “The Beholder”, or, God.  Perhaps this is what gave me the concept of God being The Watcher.  I perceived Him as being our Watcher who silently and distantly observed our lives, noting all the deeds, marking each as good or bad.  At the end of our life, the marks are tallied and that determines our ultimate destination.  The concept of God helping us through life was completely foreign to me.

The attitude of God being our Watcher, recording every deed onto a ‘good’ and ‘bad’ tally was contributed to by well-meaning Christians… church-goers… religious-folk.  I was introduced to the church during a time when the church as a whole was deeply immersed in the earning mentality and in confining God to the pages of a leather-bound book with gilded pages.  I recall feeling embarrassed and ashamed by the number of people turned away from the church by the harsh, judgmental attitude they encountered when they asked for help or  came for a visit to check out attending there as their new church home.  It reminded me of the attitude I’d encountered during my high school years, living in a church-sponsored children’s home.  Rather than learning to love God and basing our decisions on trying to please Him, our moral decisions were based on staying out of trouble and avoiding being branded a shameful and humiliating label with a feeling akin to wearing the scarlet letter.  One could say that we practiced “don’t do” Christianity.  As little as I knew and understood about the Bible at the time, I still sensed that this could not be what motivated people to obey God, to even want to go to heaven! 

Where I attended, a ‘personal’ relationship with God was discouraged for fear of being categorized with ‘those that have it wrong’ Christians.  We were the group that had an impressive amount of Bible knowledge and could quote book, chapter and verse but whose pews were filled with sour faces, hard hearts, and dry spirits.  Very much like the religious folk of Peter’s day. 

Remember Peter?  Peter had walked with Jesus.  Peter had said some amazing things, made some incredible claims, had denied Jesus three times and was three times called to feed His sheep.  He was of the ‘inner circle’, closer than the average disciple that walked with Jesus, only to later abandon Him.  He was of the twelve.  Yet, in Acts we read how he got up from the table of the Gentiles to go and eat with the Jewish leaders of the day, succumbing to the need for their nod of approval and acceptance.  As much as Peter had learned, as much as he had experienced, even by the side of The Savior, he still had so much to learn regarding God’s ways.  But don’t be too hard on Peter.  We all have a little Peter in each of us – times when we aim for the acceptance of an esteemed person or group of people rather than pleasing God.

Looking back to the children’s home, I believe this is the mentality that ruled the actions and responses there, just as it has ruled prominently and still rules some today.  This has been on my mind and in my heart since the post exchange regarding ‘broken’ people that I posted about previously.  It troubles me that so many accredit… or blame the home for their decision today to shun, reject (insert your phrase of choice) Christianity and the church… and ultimately, God.  The mentality I’ve described is responsible for portraying God in the wrong light.  Many have received the concept of Him sitting as our Judge or like a hall monitor walking the halls, looking for someone out of place or doing wrong.  While God will judge us and does judge our hearts, He is not like the librarian that shushes us if we make a sound.  He is more like the perfect balance of a doting father or nurturing mother as well as a guide or teacher.   He is as real and is as alive today as He was real and alive to the Hebrews as they walked safely through the parted sea.  While the Bible is His Word and a place to learn about Him, He is not confined and cannot be contained within its pages.  He is full of love, generosity, compassion, passion, and He pursues us.  Giving His only Son to die so that we may live with Him is only the beginning – it’s not all inclusive of His gifts to us of Himself.  For all who have been given an inaccurate portrayal of Him, He longs for you to know the truth about Him, Who He is, and what He wants with you; to love you, bless you, guide you into a life of His peace, His joy.  He wants to heal you, restore you, that you may live life abundantly!  When in a relationship such as that with Him, your ‘don’t do’ Christianity becomes an attitude of lovingly seeking to please Him, full of gratitude, full of joy, full of love!
I posted this last night but during the night decided I need to come back and change the final words.  I kept going back to what troubled me - those who proclaim to reject Christianity and the church due to their experiences in the home.  As I considered what I would say to that, I thought about my own life, my own experiences.  I thought about my favorite holiday, Christmas... well, perhaps Thanksgiving and Christmas due to our family traditions of each.  The woman who raised me did a lot of damage physically, mentally, emotionally... perhaps even spiritually.  So much so that the name by which she called me has been legally dropped and I now go by a name that sounds nothing like the one she called me.  Yet, it was she who gave me my holiday traditions that I have passed down to my own children and now down to my grandchildren! 
There comes a time in every one's life when you must choose to put away some things - things that could damage or at least diminish the quality of life in the present for self... for those you love.  To choose to continue to reject God is risky.  It's risky to you and to those you love and cherish due to your influence in their lives.  What you deprive yourself you are also choosing to deprive them.  If your first introduction to God was through the home, through the church that sponsored the home, I agree, it was a poor portrayal of who God really is.  I challenge you to find out for yourself all that you can about God and reassess your decision.

Broken...now what?

I recently had an experience on a group board that raised some interesting pondering for me.  A question was posed regarding negative experiences other group members had experienced as opposed to constantly hearing only of the good experiences.  I suggested that perhaps those who had negative experiences were remaining silent for a variety of reasons, among which could be that they were trying to reassess those experiences or trying to hold on to hope that still some good could come from those experiences.  Others began posting either why they wouldn't talk about it, or posting some of their negative experiences.  Then I felt compelled to write why I had retained my silence regarding my negative experiences.  I stated in part, "Broken people tend to have jaded memories; their perspective is based on their view of self, the world and ultimately God from their brokenness."  I elaborated on that briefly and further stated that I believed that society as a whole had come a long way in learning better how to help broken people to heal.  I went to lunch and returned bringing up the group board I was amazed to see the volume of postings that had collected during my lunch break.  I read some, but not all of the posts as there were so many.  Someone else had posted much more eloquently and more concisely exactly what I had tried to convey in my post.  Then I read the original poster's comment that seemed addressed to mine, saying in part, "We were not broken. In some cases there were victims, but victims can go on and become survivors!"  Stifling the urge to respond in the same tone I sensed this response was written, I replied that, "What I'm referring to - since the fall of mankind, we are all broken to one extent or another, one degree or another. It's not a criticism. Just a fact. Abuse (regardless of which variety) causes brokenness."  I further assured those on the board that it was not my intention to offend.  Shortly a response followed assuring me that no offense was taken and concluded that assurance with, "In the course of my life, being a Child Advocate, I have heard the term "Broken" used by staff and children. When a child tells you they are "broken" tells me that someone has told them that time after time, with no understanding of what the term means. I do not believe that any of us were or are broken! I believe that many of us could have or would have benefited from therapy. Regardless of the type of abuse, all of which is egregious, should have been addressed instead of being pushed aside, ignored or not acknowledged at all, did more harm than good. I believe that there were a lot of victims and unless someone teaches them how NOT to be a victim and be a survivor, they will continue to be victims. Victims to themselves, of the past, to the person/s that committed the transgression and quite possibly to the future." Several more posts followed, again, I have not read each one but so far have not found any others pertaining to my comment and the reaction I got to the term I used, "broken".

I have reviewed what I said and what the other poster said and I cannot distinguish a difference other than the term each of us chose to express the state of the abused; other than, I extended it to all of us being broken, not just the abused.  This assessment launched me into pondering why one would prefer the term "victim" over "broken".  Or, perhaps more accurately, why one would have such an aversion to the term, "broken".  I spent several hours pondering this very issue.  Finally, as I was preparing for work this morning and resuming my pondering, I decided to blog about it today.

Perhaps for some, to admit being broken, implies admitting to being irreparable.  After all, from our human experience, broken glass can never truly be repaired, at best, it has tell-tale cracks revealing where pieces were glued back together.  Broken plastic or any other material is even worse... they all seem to truly be irreparable.  Do shattered (i.e. broken) dreams ever come back?  What about promises?  What about relationships?  Do we truly see repair in anything we witness as broken?  Is there truly such a thing as restoration?

I have read several books and heard numerous sermons beginning with the Fall of Mankind and continuing through the Bible to reveal how we live in a state of brokenness.  The earth even groans as though in childbirth, awaiting the day it will be renewed!  This is not to say that everything in our world is bad!  Far from it!  Even death and decay hold beauty in our world.  Does that repulse you?  What about the beauty of autumn?  The changing of the colors of the leaves reveals their death process.  A flower, when trampled on gives off its best aroma.  And I submit to you that rising from the midst of shards of brokenness are beautiful spirits embracing their lives wholly and truly acknowledging God as their sustain-er, giver of hope, friend, best supporter, Savior.  

So, what happens when you look at your life and come to the conclusion or revelation that you are indeed broken?  What happens when you look in the mirror one day and say, "Broken...now what?"  Actually, I've already revealed to you, 'now what'.  You go to God.  You trust God.  You give it all over to Him and let Him deal with it.  "Just like that?"  Just like that, but it's not as easy as 'just like that'.  Everyone's process is different, but everyone has a process!  God takes everyone through a process that draws each one closer to Him; closer to a relationship dependent on Him and daily drawing strength, grace, mercy, forgiveness, comfort, healing, and peace from Him.  For some, the process may take years, for some, months, weeks, or even days.  For a rare few, it's almost instantaneous!  I was not among the rare few!  But after all that God has done for me throughout my process, I no longer fear my brokenness.  I believe I am nearing the end of my process... process of healing.  I will still continue to grow closer to Him - one doesn't have to be in a healing process to be drawn closer to the heart of God.  I no longer cut those I love with my sharp edges because God has smoothed them as only He could, so it's no longer scary to get close to someone.  So if you find yourself arriving at the conclusion that you are broken - don't fear it.  Don't waste any more time denying it. Start today, this hour giving your brokenness over to Him.  If you have to start the process again tomorrow or the next hour even, just do it.  How ever many times it takes to start over to keep you in the process... moving deeper and deeper into the process with Him.  Eventually, you won't have to deliberately start over. Eventually, you will readily and easily see His hand at work in your heart, in your spirit, in your life, healing you of your brokenness and then you, too, will have your story to share to help someone else along in their process!